Cotton Blog » humour

The Emperor and the Fridge!

FizzyT — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:00:45 +0000

I love the concept of Threadless. Threadless is a design community, where t-shirt designs are submitted online by a whole stack of different people. You can then give the designs a score, and buy them!

I really like this penguin design, with a lovely Star Wars-y feel to it. With the title “Emperor” and a penguin (an emperor one presumably) it’s just the right side of cool and quirky.

From the space age, to the totally ridiculous, this parody of the Occupy movement made me chuckle too.

Well worth taking a look if you want to see some amazing designs. You might even be inspired to do a bit of designing too. Perfect soggy January fodder!

Kitsch Kitty!

FizzyT — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:01:18 +0000

Fashion. You just gotta love it, and embrace the madness. Otherwise this ‘fun’ cartoon-y kitten print t-shirt by Meadham Kirchhoff might leave you thinking it was all just a silly waste of money. And that wouldn’t be good at all.

This, bright and cheery number is the t-shirt that makes “Hello Kitty” look subtle and understated. It is the item of clothing that was placed firmly at the back of the draw, aged 9 never, EVER to come out again. Not even as one of your mum’s dusters. This is the t-shirt that even Disneyland had trouble shifting. I’m all for fun, but this is fun like candy floss is fun, when it’s turned into pure sugar in your throat and you go all chokey and think “Not Fun”

Sorry if I’m going on a bit, but this t-shirt reminds me of all the reasons why I grew up; it wasn’t so I could travel the world, pay (some of) my bills get a great job and not eat cabbage. It was so I didn’t have to be tortured into wearing brightly coloured hand me downs in the name of “fun”. And this tee has just pressed all my buttons.

Oh, if you like it, by the way, it’s £130 from Net-a-Porter. It’s fine if you do, and I’m sure it’s lovely really. It. Just. Makes. Me. Mad!

Saving your Bacon!

FizzyT — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:53:28 +0000

Bringing home the bacon!

If you’re stuck for a last minute present, then this could, quite literally, save your bacon. A wonderful wallet printed with lovely strips of streaky bacon which really does make for a great secret santa gift or stocking filler. Also available from online store Lazybone is bacon toothpaste and air freshener and you can even pig out on a bacon lolly. Yummy….well, if you like bacon that is. Or maybe if you’re a vegetarian and still have those occasional bacon sandwich urges. Just need a bit of ketchup to go with it!

Bad Jumpers!

FizzyT — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 17:01:58 +0000

This season it’s all about printed jumpers and tank tops and other woolies. Some of them are absolutely amazing, like my total favourite, by ubergenius Markus Lupfer………..

Yummy Woolly!

See, cute, quirky and amazing.

Some of the printed jumpers are not so delicious and are completely barf-worthy instead. Like this……

Ew! Protruding baby Jesus!

Or this scintillating little number, complete with scary man

Scary Christmas!

Does anyone stand around with their hands in their pockets these days?

What about this little festive crowd?

Blinded with festive loveliness!

Or the festive trail blazer

Merry Christmas!

Watch out for winter woolies…..they are ready and can be highly dangerous!

The S***’s hit the Back!

FizzyT — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 16:00:53 +0000

**it's behind you!

I know that revenge is meant to be sweet, but this is just plain sticky and revolting. A woman in the states was tattooed with a steaming poo complete with flies buzzing around it, by her ex boyfriend who had discovered her cheating on him with his best friend. Not a teensy weensy blink and you’ll miss it, kind of tattoo, but right over her back. Ew. The woman is suing her ex unsurprisingly, saying he got her drunk and promised to tattoo something very different on her. A scene from Narnia, apparently (the scene where Aslan does a big plop?) What a disaster.

Jeremy Clarkson’s T-shirt!

FizzyT — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:44:59 +0000

Old Clarky’s all over the papers today having offended lots of offendable people about the strikes. So here’s a little t-shirt for him.

Warning! This old git may cause offence!

Maybe he could wear it on national television whenever he is going to say something that will be considered offensive, and then people who were likely to be offended could switch over and watch a nature programme or a nice documentary. Ed Miliband could have one too.

Something Fishy…….

FizzyT — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:47:33 +0000

Bag or Fish?

Marks and Spencers are in the soup (bouillabaisse?) for causing a stink with a handbag this week. The silver, metallic effect little number is emitting a large dose of eau de kipper, much to customers distaste, and a number of the offending pieces of arm (not)candy have been returned to the store, a M&S spokesman confirmed.

Perhaps the bag, which costs an unlikely £25 is held together with Copydex or something. For that kind of money, it can’t be made with leather and has probably been glued rather than sewn. One might hope that M&S, a great British company would be above such things. Let’s just hope their staple undies are a little fresher.

Hairy Toes!

FizzyT — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 16:53:17 +0000

Whilst women are particularly susceptible to the quirks of fashion, they generally don’t dress in furry footwear unless it’s bedtime, or they’re going to a pyjama party. So, it’s a bit of a surprise that Hollywood has gone crazy for something you’d expect a five year old to wear. Christian Louboutin, maker of the beautiful red soled shoes coveted by females the world over, has produced a shoe with little furry toes. Aw! How cute, and yet how utterly not sexy. What’s even more amazing is that they are sold out absolutely EVERYWHERE!

Shoe or Paw?

Animal print has been big for a while, but we’re obviously onto animal accessories as well now. Expect the high street to be full of little paw feet next year, and girls to be going clubbing looking like they’re descended from the yeti. This might be one trend to watch from a safe distance; I think it’s a bit of a case of the emperor’s new shoes!

Pre-Occupy-ed!

FizzyT — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 17:01:23 +0000

Further to my little theme of capitalising on the Wall Street protests, it seems that the Occupy t-shirt is quite a popular item, and there’s more than just the one of them about. I think I can cope with people buying custom t-shirts as a one off (I’d be in the wrong job if I didn’t) and wearing a slogan t-shirt is pretty much the best way to get your message across from a distance, so I think I can go with that. And if you can’t handle a bit, or even a bucketload of irony once in a while, you’re probably in the wrong life. Making a whacking profit when you’re protesting about the evils of capitalism, well there’s a word for that too, but it’s probably unprintable without using a couple of stars and the odd exclamation mark.

So anyway, here are a few of the best Occupy t-shirts I’ve seen……

X Day!

FizzyT — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:53:57 +0000

Hooray Hooray, it's National X Factor Day!

If you hadn’t had enough of the X Factor by now (and honestly if that’s the case, you really should think about getting out a bit more) then X Factor day might be just what you need. A celebration of the long running singing competition and reality show, National X Factor Day intends to raise money for charity (but not the Simon Cowell fund, you’ll be relieved to hear). Through the sale of special X Factor Day t-shirts with the slogan “The Monster Hit Just Got Bigger” which promises to donate £3.00 of the profits to good causes, or by getting people to hold their very own X Factor auditions and coughing up some dosh, X Factor Day looks set to be extremely popular. Hilariously, it’s on October 31st, the same day as Halloween, so instead of trick or treating, you might find people singing at you and then demanding cash. Actually it’s quite appropriate it’s on Halloween, as that’s kind of what happens anyway!

So, if you’ve not had it up to the eyeballs with dodgy auditions, terrible singing, and all round X Factor mania, maybe this special day is just for you!