Cotton Blog

t-shirts, fashion, stuff...

Posts Tagged ‘funny’

FizzyT, January 5th, 2016

conchita teeWhat brings the New Year but colds, dark mornings and a freezer full of Stilton along with some broken resolutions! Time to break out of the old yukky habits and burst into the new year loudly. Albeit belatedly.

I love this new template which has a bit of a trompe oeil effect. I was wondering about posting a picture of some intestines or something rather unsavoury, and then I saw Conchita and thought it could be the most motivating t-shirt, like ever!

Happy New Year, and let this be the one to do like the Wurst!

FizzyT, December 15th, 2015

pink-floyd-dark-side-of-the-moonMy mistake, when I saw the news this morning I thought it says Major Twin Peakes launching into space and all I could imagine was some mammoth mammary mountain reaching high into the stratosphere, Katie Price lying on her back kind of thing. But no, we’re putting a chap in space, well done us. Or rather well done Major Tim Peake, sorry about the whole name faux pas, oughtn’t really have made me snigger in the way it did, but I am quite childish.

Anyway, what with my word associations all going a little awry today, I thought a little lunar number might be make up for it. Bon voyage, Major!

FizzyT, July 19th, 2015

By far the funniest thing I’ve seen all week was this baby on board sticker and it’s literal counterpart of baby doll on a plank. Whilst safety features are obviously important, the stickers on the back of cars warning you that someone’s little princess in inside can sometimes feel slightly irksome, especially when those with said stickers cut you up, lane hog or park you in.

It’s made me chuckle quietly for enough days now to realise it has to go on one of our coffee mugs. Providing the odd snigger alongside your teabreak beverage of choice is always fun and a great idea if you’re stuck for a small yet effective birthday gift.

FizzyT, January 31st, 2014

Just occasionally, I see a headline that makes you splutter so much you know it was just born to be a t-shirt slogan. This from today’s Guardian, saying ‘I fathered 34 children through sperm donation’ is one of those.

Granted, you may not want to wear this as a slogan when you’re out on the pull; the claim to virility may seem slightly boastful, and may deter the ladies. But it’s a wonderful way to counteract those glances of pity that your receding hairline, your permabelly and your bifocals may be garnering you. Maybe putting it on a mug is a better idea tho, noone would ever steal your cuppa soup.

In the interests of decency however, I have avoided reproducing the headline, and have instead used our new dictionary template to allude to the act rather than the result. Tact, that’s me…er…..



FizzyT, January 24th, 2014

The Daily Mail has a whole trawl of shame, never mind just a mere walk. Every day, the sidebar of celebrity news addicts us, chews and spits us out leaving us lesser beings, or is that fewer? The phrases ‘pouring her curves’, ‘painfully thin’ and ‘troubled star’ are stalwart phrases for the paper that everyone loves to hate, but secretly loves to read. I don’t really think it brings out the good in humanity. That’s why this Daily Mash slogan t-shirt tickled my fancy so.

A wry comment on the effect of the press, and a great slogan from the Mash, whose take on the news never fails to bring a smile to my face!

FizzyT, December 22nd, 2013

Having to revisit the whole ‘Penis Beaker‘incident for the festive season. Way back in the autumn, a Mumsnetter posted the following statement

‘I considered name changing for this, but, fuck it. We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me.
Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing.
Does everyone else just lay there in a sticky post coital glow until morning? Really?’

Within 24 hours the Mumsnet website had crashed with all the traffic the post had caused, and the responses to it, and it spawned it’s own little range of merchandising. This personalised knob bucket mug was one alternative idea if size was becoming an issue.

FizzyT, November 21st, 2013

The three most popular new words this year, according to the Oxford Dictionary, the oracle of all things literary are ‘selfie’, ‘twerk’ and ‘schmeat’, a laboratory grown alternative to meat, made with bovine protein…yummy.

Of course I’ve taken a selfie. Hasn’t everybody tried to emulate that ‘me, me me’ pout? I didn’t even look like a smug, narcissistic t**t, I just looked shit and like I’d swallowed a Kanye. I’m quite sure that if I tried to twerk it would look as though I was trying to catapault a dingleberry from my a**e, and I probably ate some schmeat when I dropped that weird tasting burger from Aldi.

If these are words, and not just descriptions of how the human race is on it’s last twerked out legs, then I feel a bit sorry for the planet. In the meantime, surely a mug is in order?

FizzyT, August 16th, 2013

I am totally befuddled by the news that everyone is going crazy Georgia Rose, mythical creature of a One Direction song called the Best Song Ever. My reasons for befuddlement are as follows. The Best Song Ever is a bit of an immodest title, wouldn’t you say? Surely that accolade goes to something a bit more classic than a song most people over the age of  30 haven’t heard. Do you even know about  the Beatles, boys? Well, probably not, they’re way too young and fresh faced.

Anyway, if the youth are to be believed, the next t-shirt everyone is going to be wearing is one saying “I’m Georgia Rose”. It sort of reminds me of the whole “I am Spartacus” thing. Maybe I should wear one and be in with the kids? Er….

FizzyT, August 6th, 2013

Yesterday’s nostalgic reminisce about the most popular band t-shirts of all time has been rudely hijacked by the Boss, and his contribution to the worst music t-shirt ever. Like really, really ever. (yeah, thanks for that, Boss dude)

The Turds of Misery must be the music you least want to watch on Youtube. And even though I’m pretty much up for listening to anything, these guys look like they eat far, far too much meat, and I’d rather give their sound effects a miss. In fact, I’m thinking I might actually give my lunch a miss now too, having had that thought.

So, today what not to wear. see also The Turds of Much Improved Mood.

FizzyT, July 8th, 2013

Butter wouldn’t melt singer Taylor Swift is almost as well known for her string of failed relationships than for her music, which seems a bit of a shame as it’s so much fun trying to match the song to the man. Her penchant for writing hit songs about her exes even led retailers Abercrombie & Fitch to produce a t-shirt with the slogan ‘ # more boyfriends than t.s.’

However, Swifts legions of fans (the Swifties) have kicked up so much of a fuss that A&F have been forced to withdraw the shirt, which is a shame as I thought it was quite funny, and probably t.s. does too, because the more songs she writes, the more money she gets. And it sounds like she’s having the last laugh there!