Cotton Blog

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Archive for ‘Underwear’

FizzyT, February 12th, 2015

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching and 50 Shades of Grey on general release this weekend, you can bet that cinemas across the country will be filled with young couples watching two people pretend to have sex, instead of actually doing anything themselves. B&Q are stocking up on cable in case there’s a rush on of young men wanting to do DIY S&M on their girlfriends (I can see A&E is going to be busy) and all manner of 50 Shades inspired merchandise has hit the shops in such a way that is perfectly obvious that humanity is doomed.

From bondage teddies and tongues, jewellery and underwear, the range of 50 Shades material is truly frightening, and completely and utterly unsexy. The babygro with the slogan ‘9 months ago, Mummy ready 50 Shades of Grey’ actually made me do a little sick in my throat.

I’m sure the best way to treat a girl is to do the washing up, spare the fluffy pink handcuffs and chaffing duct tape. It’s just not going to work. Ever.


FizzyT, January 26th, 2015

So, I like to think I’m fairly unshockable in a kind of ‘seen it all before’ sort of way. Lada Gaga’s meat dress prompted nothing more that a faint wonder if it was going to be casseroled afterwards, Miley’s twerking gave me nothing more than a twinge of indigestion, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m so jaded nothing actually affects me, or because there hasn’t really been anything truly original since David Bowie looked all androgynous and everyone fancied him.

Anyway, this may have all changed as Rick Owens new menswear collection featured a selection of po face cheekboned Adonis-like creatures wearing what I can only describe as penis ponchos. Diaphonous and drapey, the creations were elevated in their sartorial sauciness by a carefully placed hole in the middle of the garment. I’m afraid the only word for it is a knob hole, Well, that’s two words, but you get me, right.

Bell-ends a swaying, these picture perfect specimens brought a whole new dimension to the slightly monotonous world of menswear collections. Not sure if they’ll catch on in the real world, but you know how fashion trickles down. Oops, wrong expression! Coming to a pop up store soon. Hmmmm.

FizzyT, December 9th, 2013

The Boss has just shown me his son’s Christmas present for his grandmother.

Clearly a moustache, the design is for a pair of personalised pants for said grandmother, rather begging the question of is it an ‘up there’ moustache, or more of a ‘down there’ merkin style ‘tache.

Obviously, the young and innocent mind can’t be asked such a thing, but I am really hoping that the granny sees the fanny funny side!

FizzyT, May 17th, 2013

I remember my mother telling me a rhyme about the weather that went “Whether the weather be cold, whether the weather be hot, whether the weather whatever the weather, whether we like it or not!”.

These past two weeks have been the epitome of changeable; last weekend it was barbies at dawn, now there’s snow in some parts of the country and rain pretty much everywhere. So, whilst your digging out more and more layers, this is just a little reminder that we have something for absolutely every type of weather; from personalised tees and camis for the sunshine to custom fleeces for the cold, towels with your name embroidered on for the pool, and mugs to personalise for you essentially warming hot chocolate. The way it’s going, you’ll need it all at once!!!

FizzyT, October 7th, 2012

One of my personal little pet hates is how whenever anyone becomes famous, lots of random items of clothing begin to appear bearing their name. I’m sure you too  noticed the glut of Pippa dresses that have sprung up since the Royal Wedding. There’s also more Gwyneth cardis than you can shake a (cashmere) stick at, and everyone who is ever on the X Factor becomes immortalised in polyester. It does, as I say, drive one more than a bit bonkers.

Anyway, whilst perusing the new Joules catalogue I spotted their men’s underwear range has the eye catching title of the ‘Crown Joules’. Several pairs of niftily printed pants bearing a more than vaguely humorous name and some rather lovely prints. Hurrah and tally ho! I’m particularly loving the pheasants. And at £14.95 a pair, a great for someone to fill your stocking this Christmas!

FizzyT, September 17th, 2012

A poll in the Guardian today put 42% of readers having glimpsed at the topless photos of the Duchess of Cambridge on her hols in France, published this week in a variety of tawdry foreign magazines. Only tawdry foreign ones, mind, as our British press has suddenly come over all noble. Although most papers are printing the picture of the magazine cover with Kate’s boobies all fuzzed out. So only a bit noble.

Poor girl. Everything she wears is scrutinized to within an inch of it’s hem. She takes her clothes off and it gets even worse. Although don’t cha love how Prince William’s come over all manly and feisty. Maybe it’s all a stunt to grab some of the limelight back from Prince Harry and the sister bottom.

But really, if she can’t get her baps out in front of her hubby, where can she get them out? A cyber tee is winging it’s way over to the poor love. One of our personalised ‘keep calm’ slogan ones. Although tbh I think she’s doing a pretty good job already.

FizzyT, August 23rd, 2012

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m thinking that poor Prince Harry could do with a t-shirt today. Well, some pants actually. Really, really big ones. Ones that he can pull over his head so that he doesn’t have to see the Queen giving him the evil eye for being caught playing strips billiards at the weekend.

You can see the pictures of the prince butt naked on US website TMZ, but the British media isn’t allowed to show Harry’s arse. Fair enough really, but with the pictures only a click away, it’s a bit pointless.

I feel a bit sorry for the poor chap though. Possibly not the picture you want plastered all across the world when your family are trying so hard to prove that you’ve got over your tricky teenage years. Ah well. If you’ve got it, flaunt it I’d say! Still, here’s some of our very nice personalised cotton boxers for the Royal behind. Shame we’re a few days late!!!

FizzyT, May 30th, 2012

Much has been made of cleavage over the years. The male variant, the moob  has also  garnered many a column inch. However the side boob (or ‘soob’ as it shall henceforth be known… at least) is a relatively new phenomenon, and needs to be discussed at length and in depth.

Whereas your common or garden clevage is a matter of size, and/or a good bra, the side boob is much more a matter of pertness. A flash of the side boob means you don’t even need a bra, thus are capable of holding yourself up without any extra support, and it’s one of those things that surgery doesn’t really help with; this look screams young and natural, and is a big anti cosmetic intervention backlash.

There have been a glut of celeb soobs recently; Gwyneth Paltrow totally rocked the look at the Met Ball recently, LiLo’s been soobing ever since I can remember, and J-Lo balances out her famous behind with regular glimpses of her side cleavage. Even the fashion pack have got in on the act with Yves Saint Laurent preparing to dazzle with a host of soobity next season.

Whether or not you feel able to flash a little side  silhouette really depends on your own personal confidence, although it’s not a look for the faint hearted. Honestly I don’t think anyone will think any worse of you if you keep it under wraps….however if you’re game, then check out this vest from ASOS. It will allow you to flash the most discreet glimpse of your soob, without having to go the whole hog!

FizzyT, January 4th, 2012

David Beckham’s new collection for Swedish collaborating giants H&M is quite literally a load of pants. With a few t-shirts and vests thrown in. But to be honest, all that anyone wants to see is DB in his smalls, so he’s onto a winner.

Beckham’s capsule range  is a 9 piece sporty mixture of vests, pants, jogging bottoms and t-shirts, all closely fitting soft cotton bodywear. And just to ensure that it flies off the shelves, it is modelled by the man himself.

“I hope H&M’s male customers are as excited as I am” Beckham is quoted as saying. This makes me laugh very quietly with squeaky undertones (none of this LOL-ing for me). Surely it is the female customers who will be clustered around the boxes of Mr Victoria, highly, but highly excited at the vision before them.

The range debuts in stores on February 2nd. I predict a riot!

FizzyT, December 14th, 2011

Thong Song!

Vajazzling, the art of adorning the under belly button nether region with shiny stick on rhinestones is soaring in popularity of late. This due in no small part to Amy from the hit TV show TOWIE and her dazzling on screen vajazzling. DIY home kits are the popular secret santa gift of choice amongst women and there is a surge in demand for the embellishment in beauty salons up and down the country.

I’m not sure about stick on kits. Unless you’re careful, you might end up with most of your vajazzle in the hoover as all the little bits fall off into the carpet. Floor, I mean. Ooooo, the possibilities for pain and injury are too great to contemplate. So why not add a little mystique instead. A personalised thong hinting at the vajazzling possibilities is surely more user friendly. Surely?